I will never know

I am running out of entries to write. Should I start giving pointers on how to revive your boring relationship? Spicing things up in the bedroom with your lover? Yeah right. Anyway, Clementine and I went to High School together. After hanging up with her. Tada! Light Bulb! I will dig back into my past and try to remember as much as I can about hmmm I will be calling him Red. (tuninunino...)

Ewok is a store right across my fathers agency. The High School I went to was not to far from where my fathers office, so my lunch break was mostly spent there. On the right side of his office was another Catholic School. This is where it all began. Back in my Junior year in high school. When I have a few minutes to kill I would walk across the street and stop at Ewok. What they sell is too much of a blur to me right now but I remember how much I love their burgers. As I was looking around the store, suddenly I had this feeling that someone was starring at me. Do I have ketchup on my face? Good thing they have several mirrors there, I checked myself out immediately. All was clear. No dirt, just a pretty face (I was very conceited remember WAS). He approached me and said, "Hi."






"Donna, right?" he asked. He looks a little geeky, dark and cute. "Yes, that's me. And, you are?" extending my hands. In my head, I know he would like to ask for my number and immediately I was ready to give it to him. But then he walked away, his friend who looks pal, skinny and with slanted eyes was approaching. He was really not my type. I have the thing for guys who has a little meat and with a little color. "Did I say something wrong?", I asked myself. Apparently, it was not him who liked me. It was his friend Mike.

I was a bit disappointed but I gave him my number anyway. Dating for me at the time was just talking to someone on the phone and connecting with them. No sex! Yes Clemetine no sex! I may have had several boyfriends back in high school but never really slept with any of them. Days passed and no phone calls. Until, I saw the dark skinned dude with the geeky glasses at the store. He told me that his friend finds me very aggressive and backed off. Well I guess I really am the master on how to scare guys away. We both laughed.

It was the beginning of our connection. We would spend hours on the phone having lengthly conversations. Talking about the common people we know. Things that happened at school, homeworks. We never seem to run out of things to talk about. I think if I remember it correctly his mother would threw slippers at him to get him off the phone. A few more weeks passed, we started having lunches together. We were really in separable during those times. He was the sweetest and best friend a girl could ever have. One day he was walking with me waiting for a ride so I could head back to school for my afternoon classes. He grabbed my hand and said "Open it later.".

The ride back to school seemed forever. Come to think of it, I could have read it on my short ride to school. But I waited. I walked straight towards my cousin and friends. Sitting with my back turned to them, I was excited opening the note he handed me. It was a drawing paper. On it was a man holding hand with a woman watching the sunset by a bay. Below it was the lyrics of "Ever Since the World Began". "Show off" I said to myself. I flattened it out and place it in between one of my folders.

"Good Evening, may I speak with Red, please.", I said as polite as I can. As soon as I get him on the phone, I start rambling about the rest of my day at work. The homework I did not want to do. And somewhere in between I asked.

"Was that the lyrics of the song you were telling me last night?"
"Yes, it is do you like it." he said.
"Are you kidding me? The sketch is so beautiful, you should be painting and stuff. Show off!"
Proudly he said, " I do, I even have a sketch of your face and I was not showing off"

I brushed it off and went on with my ramblings. Months have passed and it was Valentines Day. He was telling me about a girl he likes and if I could look at the card he got her. "Sure, I will meet you at Ewok lunch time.", I responded.

The next day, after having a delicious lunch with my Daddy dear. I went across the street to meet with Red. He handed me the card he bought " To my very special friend." I frowned and complained, "SPECIAL FRIEND" you have a special friend other than me. I was pissed really pissed! I was his best friend no one else is allowed to be special. I told him you could have gotten her a card saying to my special someone not special friend. Not realizing, I was being really ridiculous. I got so upset and walked out.

Next day was Valentines day and I met with him again at the store. In the back of my head, I was hopping he have forgotten how childish and spoiled I was. So I asked how the girl reacted after giving her the card. I even asked about the rose I told him to get her. He said, "She don't need it." "Ok retard, why are you having lunch with me when you should be having lunch with her. It's valentines day. " I said. He just gave me some answer and I did not really care. In my head, I know its better I get to have lunch with him . We started walking toward the next street so I could get a ride to get back to school then he handed me a beautiful long stemmed rose and a card. I was really surprise. I opened the card and it says "to my special someone". My reaction and the first words that came out of my mouth was "Are you insane? Did you read the cards before you write on them, you gave her the wrong card." He looked at the card and look back at me and said. "No, its right. You are my special someone".

A few weeks passed, I started going out with one of his school mate. We will be calling him ben. Why you might ask? We never really discussed being together. To that we agreed that our friendship was more important As days go by, I was seeing less and less of him. To the point I was feeling he was shutting me out.

Another week has passed. The phone rang, "Hello, may I speak with Donna?". "I guess you heard? What I don't understand is how come you just dropped me like that? I thought we were the best of friends. Red!" "Are you ok?", he asked. I wanted an answer from him. How I was feeling towards my break-up with Ben was not as important on how he just stopped talking to me. "I tried to call you so many times and you weren't taking my calls. What the hell is wrong with you?", I screamed. He told me that Ben's friends was teasing him that he was jealous. To avoid argumentation, he just backed off. I felt really bad for him and apologize on how I reacted.

Years past and we were both off to college. New doors have opened. Meeting new people. He was busy at his end and so was I. We still manage to keep in touch but tried so much to not talk as much as we used to since the people we were dating does not feel comfortable with our closeness.

After I graduated college, I hear from him less and less. But I wasn't really that concerned until the moment came that I have to leave the country. So many times did I attempt to see him before I leave but he could not spare me some time. "Red, I don't know how long I will be away. Can you please find sometime?". His answer was, "Donna I told you I can't, Babe really don't feel comfortable when I talk to you what more if I see you."

I left forgetting everything about my past. Leaving everything at the NAIA. A year have past and suddenly, I receive this letter.

When you said you were leaving, I thought its just the same as your other trips quick and in a few weeks later you will back. Months passed and then it dawned on me how much I really care for you. How much I am missing you? You're no longer a phone call away. I have taken you forgranted. Why I never have the courage to tell how much I love was another mistake I could not resolve? All I have now are memories of the times and moments we have shared. I love you always. Red.

I will end it on this note. There were more but I need to go to bed. Hope you enjoyed it.